What is the Point?

First of all, please don't take this as my being harsh, or one sided, but really, if you are going to get divorced when it isn't fun anymore, then what is the point of getting married in the first place? When we date someone we are kind of "trying them out" so to speak. When we start to not get along we can end the relationship. But when you marry someone you make a covenant with that person before God that you will love, honor, and cherish them (or whatever your vows were) for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! When you made that covenant you did so knowing that this was no ordinary promise you were making. No, this one had much more power and influence. You were making a life-long commitment and you weren't doing it just between the two of you either. You made this covenent in front of God and 500 of your closest family and friends. No where in any marriage vow I have ever heard does it say, "until it isn't fun anymore", or "until I fall out of love with you", or "until I find something better", or even, "until I have my midlife crisis". So many people get divorced to soon these days. The point of making this covenant is that you will continue to press on AFTER it isn't fun anymore, and AFTER the romance has worn off, and even when you don't have any money, or one of you is sick. Life is full of change. In fact, life IS change. Your marriage will never be the same as it is this moment again. And, consequently, it will never be the same as it was the day you married again. If today is your worst day yet, it will never be the same as it is right now, either.

As young girls we spend our days planning our marriage. We plan who we will marry, when we will marry, at what age we will marry, what color our dress, what colors for the wedding party, the plates, the napkins, how many kids... EVERYTHING. We spend our days going over and over and over this picture in our head. Sometimes the actual time line is a little off from our plan, but we know it will all follow along, so we continue planning. Eventually, we meet Mr. Right (after going through several Mr. Wrongs). Now we get serious about planning. We can see ourselves in this life we will have. We practice writing our married name and discuss with ourselves and our girlfriends our plans. Often times the only one who doesn't know our plans is Mr. Right! Then, we get married and right off the bat things are not what we expected. You see, while we have been forming our expectations of our marriage, so has he! No, he may not have a marriage book stored somewhere where he planned out the whole thing, and he may not even realize it himself, but he has infact formed his own expectations of the wife. So, as you begin traveling down your journey you will eventually find that these two sets of expectations do not meld.

This is where pre-marital counseling is a very good idea. You see, often times this particular issue can be headed off before it causes damage and therefore it will not be nearly the issue it could be later in marriage. However, most people do not heed their pastor's advice these days and they do not do the pre-marital counseling, or do not take it seriously. So, if you did not do pre-marital counseling, or need a check-up, here are some starting places:

• First, create a plan for your marriage.
• What do you want from this marriage?
• If you could paint a picture of the perfect marriage, what would it be like? It may be a good idea for both of you to draw out this picture separately and then discuss how to combine them into one picture.
• Where do you see yourselves 10 years down the road, or 20, 30-even 50?
• How many children do you want?
• Will you both work or will one of you stay home?
• What will the career paths be?
• What are your roles in these paths?
• What does the husband expect from the wife?
• What does the wife expect from the husband?
• What do you expect from yourselves?
• Where will you live?
• What type of house will you have? Try to be as detailed as possible.
• Create a Mission Statement for your marriage. This can be just a sentence based on what both of you feel to be the most important aspect of your marriage. Together recommit to this mission statement.